I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You may now shotgun with the bride
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
