Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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