You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
