You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
