you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
