drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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