Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
