Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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