Porn is love you can see.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
