"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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