Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
