did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I skipped work to stalk him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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