Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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