There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
