So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
