In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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