the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
