just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
