Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize