and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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