so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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