Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
