We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize