I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
