The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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