I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize