If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
