so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
