babies were throwing up all over the place
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
