Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
