Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
