I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
