My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
