Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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