the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
