I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
