She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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