last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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