And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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