do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
