you traded sex for a burrito?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
