I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
