mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
