This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
