he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
