We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
