Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
