at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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