i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
