I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
