im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
