i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
