she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
