Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
