He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
