hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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