he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
