we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
