By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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