She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
