Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize