there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
