i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
