absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
