yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
