My friends, they love my intelligence
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize