Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
