he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
