i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
