who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
