i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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