does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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