I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and she was petting her beer can
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
