Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
