It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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