i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize