How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
