I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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