Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
